That Girl

Maybe you know her?   The girl in the supermarket who smiled at you in the check-out line.

The girl you passed on the street, who said hello.  The girl who sat next to you in the doctor’s office and said “what a nice day, don’t you think”?

Yes, that girl. You know – happy, confident, easy-going.  She really had it together.  You remember.  How could you forget?  She was friendly and outgoing; great smile too…

Well, I know some things about that girl, personal things so I’m trusting you….

That girl is none of those things.  Ok – she has a great smile, but happy, far from it.  She hates herself.  Yes she does.  She hates her body too.  Not some parts of her body, but her whole body from head to toe, even her skin….

And confident, I don’t think so.

She is scared of everything.  Scared to try anything new, scared to wear certain clothes, scared of being alone, scared of being rejected, scared no one will love her, scared people will learn who she really is.  A real live Scaredy cat…..

And, it gets worse.

That girl is scared of her own shadow.  She lives with the shame monster.  He feeds off her thoughts and feelings.  I know, it’s hard to believe, but I’ve seen it with my own eyes.  And, heard the noise in her head.

Do it, don’t do it
Go out, don’t go out
Eat this, don’t eat that
Look at yourself, don’t look at yourself
Let him go, don’t let him go
Try harder, do more, be better!

Exhausting.  Day and night; night and day.

But, I will say this, about that.  That girl tries.  She really does.  But for some reason, it never changes.  What a way to live, or should I say, what a way to die….a slow death….

Now, I know just what you’re thinking.  Damn, I am so glad “that girl” is not part of my life. Thank god, right?

Well not so fast.  Because that girl – yes “that girl” – the one I just told you about, could be your mother, daughter, sister, wife, aunt, best friend, cousin, co-worker…

Oh, you disagree? How could I possibly make that assumption?  Well, let me tell you.

I am actually the best person to make that assumption.  Why?

Because “that girl”, the one with all those secrets, is Me…….

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